Aarti (41): After 14 years of abuse, she took matters into her own hands

Message: “Hi Mariette, I follow your website and enjoy reading the stories. I would be happy to share mine in exchange for a necklace.” An appointment was made. Aarti (41 years old) comes in and immediately a conversation ensues that confirms why I want to spend time on my necklace for your story. It is a conversation about the strength to remain standing in very strong winds and about the courage to stand up for yourself. She wants to talk to me because she wants to come out with facts about her childhood. Facts that she believes are very important to share because far too many other women are also dealing with it. 

Aarti was two when her brother was born and it took a few years for her parents to found out that something was wrong with him, which meant they had to take him to the hospital in Groningen regularly. Aarti was too young to stay home alone, so as a very young girl she was taken care of by grandmothers, uncles and aunts. These were places where you as a child could expect to be safe, but this turned out not to be the case. She was abused by relatives for fourteen years, until she dared to act at the age of 17 when a relative entered her room. She took control and shouted “it's over now” and showed him the door. Not long after her decisive action, she met her current husband with the sweetest in-laws she could have wished for. Aarti ended up in a family that took her and her past seriously. A relief after a parental home where taboos were maintained and the honor of the family was above all else, even above the occurrence of systematic abuse.

Extreme insecurity at a young age leads to deviant behavior when you grow up.By her husband Lennart and her parents-in-law, Aarti slowly started to believe in herself again and got a grip on all the labels that had always been imposed on her, from borderline to PTSD to even depressed. Labels that were never labels when you realise where behavior comes from. 

In 2021, her father-in-law Henk passed away, he was the father she always missed in her life. In their last conversation he spoke the loving words: “Aarti, never give up”. Her subsequent promise gave her the strength to choose for herself and go public with this story. 

She has now started her own company: My Soham, the art of building a Strong I AM. Aarti follows her long-cherished dream: helping people to believe in themselves and discover their strength, despite what happens in their past, under her special motto; “You are not what you experience, you are the actions you do with what you have experienced”.

After our conversation I ask her to choose a necklace: she chooses my favorite and we say goodbye, knowing that we belong to the same tribe...I am very honored that this courageous woman wears a necklace made by me.